Where is the hickey?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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