Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
