I have demons in me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
