you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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