Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
