capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
