You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
