she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
