Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
