DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
