i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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