I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
