My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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