we're chasing vodka with high fives
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You need a sexual gate keeper
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
