How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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