Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Shame is for Republicans.
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