Nicole vs. Life
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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