My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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