Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
