so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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