"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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