Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
