Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
