A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
