Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
