I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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