what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
