I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
