I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
