I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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