Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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