Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
