Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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