WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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