Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
