Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Can i not drive my cunt home
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
