"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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