my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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