Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
