I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
