Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I cockslap morals
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
