i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you mean i was at the winter classic?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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