My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
