that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
