piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
