oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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