i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
