I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
