You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
