When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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