You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Did I show you my penis last night?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
His nipple licking is glorious
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